The 5 stages of grief is one psychological model “introduced by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, and was inspired by her work with terminally ill patients.” Although the model is misrepresented as a linear sequence of experiences, the five stages are still instructive.
The collective psyche of the world experiences a shock, which unfolds as an ongoing event, activating 4 of the 5 stages in different and extreme ways. This article discusses each stage and its spiritual and psychic (psychological) impact.
The end of normal
All human life is constructed, even our most cherished norms and seemingly untouchable institutions and laws. Most changes occur gradually, and even shocking events from the recent past are often surprisingly well absorbed by the global system (the terrorist attack on the US in 2001 or the tsunami that hit Japan in 2011), where life in other parts of the globe continues “normally”.
Grief occurs when a shock event disrupts the norm in a devastatingly abrupt or painful way. The arrival of the coronavirus and its subsequent spread has shocked and continues to shock the world as it tries to spread far and wide with every new opportunity to attach itself to new hosts. Our normal way of life has been and continues to be radically disrupted, due in no small part to the four negative stages of grief in the Kubler-Ross model.
Below is a diagram that provides an excellent graphical representation of a shock event and of ‘backward’ psychic energy that comes into play long before and long before the final positive energy of acceptance presents itself:
By Rebestalic – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, Source: Wikipedia
This adapted version gives a nice look at satisfaction/positive energy | dissatisfaction/negative energy and the flow of negative energy into acceptance. Keep in mind that the stages are NOT linear, and we often move back and forth until we reach acceptance.
Denial/refusal to understand
Denial can range from mild to extreme. It emerges because we don’t want to acknowledge that something profound has happened that will likely affect us in unavoidable ways. With the virus, denial can range from “it’s no worse than the flu” to “it’s a hoax; there is no virus”. Denial is the first defense in the name of maintaining the status quo.
Keep in mind that each of the negative phases functions as a spiritual and psychological defense mechanism. We are not ready or willing to deal with the implications of the change, especially because the change means disrupting what is familiar and safe. As usual, things not only break down, but can also lead to significant problems depending on the situation.
Those who remain in denial risk harming others, not just themselves, especially if a contagious disease is involved.
Anger/resistance
Anger can also lead. In fact, the existence and dangers of the virus cannot be denied; However, when you really feel powerless, it is often necessary to exercise power. One way is to express your anger. There’s plenty of anger to go around, some justified, and some unjustified. But not surprisingly, one of the strongest emotions is being angry about the situation.
You can be angry at nature, scientists, the government, God, your neighbors (for not wearing a mask or for wearing a mask), and so on. Until this emotion is calmed, reason will have little or no effect in moving toward acceptance.
Negotiate
Negotiation takes place after denial and anger. So denial did not make the shock go away and anger did not cause the perpetrator to ‘flee’ or ‘recoiling’ from the shock. In the case of the virus, negotiations emerge with the mess of trying to reopen schools in the fall. Instead of full lessons, we will be offering half lessons and social distancing for children, teens and young adults.
Instead of a full load on campus, we will do rotating weeks, where one group comes to school for a week and then not for two weeks, while another group comes in between. The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the flagship school of the University of North Carolina system, didn’t even make it two weeks before moving to a completely virtual solution.
A virus is non-negotiable, but this phase still applies.
Depression/dismissal
This stage is profound as we enter the dark waters that may bring us to acceptance or else they will drown us. The depression phase is significant and usually lasts for quite some time. It is far too easy to talk about the Great Depression as an event without fully understanding that it lasted from 1929 to 1939 (a full decade).
Many people may already be facing the stage of depression, but on a global level there is still a lot of denial, anger and bargaining going on. The depression phase represents resignation because the other three defense mechanisms have utterly failed and now we must face the deep despair of loss and grief. Economies around the world are being supported by a series of questionable policies based on the four stages prior to adoption.
Acceptance
The most important phase of grief is the acceptance phase, the period in which we know that the change is real, permanent and defines the new normal. A fundamental change in travel, socializing, sports, healthcare, education, work habits and so on will leave the realm of ‘temporary’ or ‘herd immunity will come back to us’ or ‘when we get a vaccine’. back to normal” to “this is the way it is”.
What will the COVID-19 world look like in the glimpse of failed denial, anger and bargaining? How can we pull ourselves out of the phase of depression that will surely continue as the virus persists, spreads and attacks every level of the population? If we can move toward acceptance sooner or later, then from the ashes of the old we can build a new normal that could include some astonishing leaps forward… in governance, education, work, social equality, and so on.
An event like this represents a true shock to the norms of the system, showing that the norms are constructs and need new constructs to create a better future.
