The paranormal is like a drug: it makes you want more and more. Not a day goes by that I’m not working on something, whether it’s for the blog, Black Rock House Paranormal Tours, or even my own research. From updating Facebook pages, setting up event ticketing, negotiating event terms, coming up with proposals, sourcing opportunities, reviewing evidence, researching equipment, researching theories, researching experiments, I could compile a whole list.
It has now become more of an obsession than a hobby. It has gone from casually wanting to do research to what I can contribute in the paranormal field. I look at what was and wasn’t available to me when I started and what would have made it easier for me and how I can help people like me in the beginning. I see so many beautiful buildings that have been sold off to new developments or so many great locations that are becoming so commercialized that serious paranormal investigators can’t get a foot in the door. This is where a lot of the work of Black Rock House has come into play and the things we have and will introduce that will hopefully be part of the legacy I leave behind.
Lately I’ve been putting in a lot of extra hours because of the many great opportunities that have come our way. For this I am grateful, but I am also exhausted. I dreamed of having a survey done every weekend and thought how great that would be. I wanted everything I have now, but I underestimated the amount of work involved and the toll it would take on me. I’m all about work and I’m someone who likes to be busy, that’s why I have so many projects going on at the same time. A sucker for punishment. We’ve spent almost every weekend at Black Rock House for the past six months getting this thing off the ground and sometimes that has meant long days followed by an all-night investigation. Like everyone else in the field, I have a family to take care of and a job, so it literally felt like I haven’t had a break.
We all know how much politics there is in the paranormal world. Lately it’s been taking over and I’m struggling to understand why there has to be so much negativity. To be honest, I’m also worried about being targeted. Many people now know who I am and there are also people who will try to find a way to attack or put you down, especially if you achieve any success. I’ve been in the crouched and ready position for the past few weeks, bracing myself. So far it hasn’t happened, I really hope not. I don’t do this for fame and I don’t do this for money. As hard as it is for people to believe, everything we do for Black Rock House and National Trust is all voluntary. I don’t see or expect a cent and when it was offered we refused it because we are not in this to make money. I hope people see my intentions and embrace them instead of attacking them.
A combination of all the above elements cost me and I started to get to the point where I didn’t like it as much anymore. I don’t want to play the medical card either, but I don’t have a spleen, which means I have no immune system and I have an autoimmune disease that makes me sick and tired when my immune system is low. As you can imagine, I’m not in the best situation right now. Luckily we have a month off. I love being able to just chill at home and even spend this Saturday night under a blanket, eating some crappy food and watching a non-paranormal movie. I even enjoyed hanging out with some of my team/besties in a non-paranormal situation last Saturday and it was the best. We’ve barely mentioned the paranormal. We had a strong friendship before all this and we have an even stronger friendship now, but with all the commitments we have, we haven’t really been able to spend time together without the need for an investigation. It was nice to get back to our roots and just spend time together and have fun. I still promote our events on Facebook and do some general admin here and there, but I’m not worrying about it for now. I even had a whole 24 hours where I didn’t check Facebook! I know it’s crazy! Being normal is boring. I say it all the time, but I’m so glad I’m boring now.
I’m very excited about what lies ahead, but this break was much needed. I don’t want to burn out, I don’t want to love what I do and I don’t want it to feel like a job. I guess I need to be ‘normal’ for a while to fall in love with the paranormal again. I’m sure we all feel this way at times and the best advice I can give you is to embrace it. Take a little break and you’ll soon find yourself itching to get back. 3 more weeks and counting and I’m back baby!
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