We are not okay. But we will be. We have not yet recovered from the shock waves of last Tuesday. The ground still needs to settle down. The brain is not yet fully back on board. The body must shake, wail and reckon with the wreckage.
May we give ourselves a moment.
We recently released Black Moon Lilith on the CHANI app. We were originally going to do that in July, but we felt it was needed more in the fall. We wanted to make sure she was available to help us at this time (only in the event of this worst case scenario – with broad gestures). To remind us of our strength. To affirm our anger in the face of injustice. To have a context in which we can place ourselves.
Lilith, first wife of Adam. Lilith, who was told her place was below her husband. Lilith, who chose self-imposed exile over living a life with a man who did not see her as his equal. Lilith, realizing that God was involved, spoke the ineffable name of the Holy One and left the Garden of Eden for good.
Lilith, not from The Father, but for her freedom.
Lilith ends up in a cave in the desert, a place of meditation if you will. Comfortless. Infertile. Nice. The desert was once the bottom of the ocean. And it is here, at the bottom, where we are.
I think it is important to take this time to appreciate the depths to which we have descended. Hitting rock bottom, as they say in many recovery circles, is a gift. You can’t go anywhere else. But up. We rebuild ourselves with one breath, one primal scream and one stone at a time. Without losing the depth.
I believe it is Lilith who returns to the Garden of Eden as the serpent who tempts Eve with the apple in the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Lilith whispers to us through the ages: ‘Leave this place. It doesn’t know you. It doesn’t want you as a whole. It just tries to make you smaller. Bite the apple. Integrate this wisdom. Get out of here and find out who you really are.”
This is how we save each other, and in turn, ourselves.
We are still a long way from our rebirth, but that is not the point right now. This moment is meant to help us feel through it. Belly against the earth, snake-like at the bottom of the ocean. Nursing our wounds, gathering with our loved ones, and dreaming of what fullness might feel like. This moment is meant to remember that we are part of a lineage of resistance and recreation that goes back to and far beyond the ideas of supremacy and domination. Lilith is older than god, than gardens, than time.
You too.
If you forget at any point this week, remember that we need you. Your wildness, your energy, your shortcomings and your friendship. If you forget at any point this week, read these words again and remember that there are countless people who have gone before you, who are walking alongside you and who are reaching back from the future, ready to guide, protect and encourage you . .
I’ll try to do the same.
Never miss a memo again.
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